In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, what started out as a nerve-wracking twist worthy of a second-rate Tom Clancy novel turned into a pretty solid victory for Team Franco-Iberia. No, really! Math’s on my side here: I went from one city less than I started with, to an equal number and makeup of cities, to one city more, all in the span of about seven turns. And I got to mock Hutuma’s poor situational awareness and overly optimistic planning, too. I don’t know how things are where you’re from, but over here in Franco-Iberia, that’s cause enough to break out the celebratory whisky.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, I… seem to have lost my capital. I think? I’d love to explain it more clearly, but I’m honestly struggling to grasp for myself what the hell just happened. Seriously, what is this? All I can tell is that my capital city turned green, and also, that it’s not my capital city anymore. Beyond Earth blares warning after warning at me, about broken city connections and failed quests and intrigue levels and killed covert agents, as I sit in my chair, stumped.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, I handily defeated Daoming Suchong and PAC in this war of ours, using a combination of my significantly more advanced army and my well-equipped military allies to deal a serious blow to her tiny nation by conquering one of her three cities. This also led to a moment-of-clarity of sorts, where I realized that, hey, I’m not really the hero Terra Atlantea deserves, huh? It was a revelation as sudden as it was shocking, and for a moment, it made me reconsider my entire stance on life, conquering this planet, and everything. Maybe… maybe it doesn’t have to be this way? Maybe I can steer away from this path of wickedness I’ve embarked upon, renounce my evil ways, make friends with everyone, and lead the collected colonies to a bright, happy future of sunshine, smiles, and alien friends for everyone as far as the eye can see?
Or, you know. Maybe not. I mean, it’s not like these jerks wanted to be friends with me, anyway.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, my resentment over both losing the Master Control to Daoming Suchong and PAC’s rapid rise through the point ranks in general made me decide that war, huh, good god y’all, would in fact be good for something. And while I may not have the sizable army required to effectively fight another colony nation, and I don’t have the patience to build up such an army for several hundred turns while PAC steals even more and more Wonders and advancements from me, at least I do have… err… really cool robot-looking soldiers?
I’m not saying I’m banking on the idea that Daoming sees my cool robots and immediately surrenders her whole faction to mine just so she can get a better look at them. But I’m not ruling it out entirely, either.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, my glorious Master Control was stolen from me. At the last possible second. By the despicable Pan-Asian Cooperative, PAC, who weren’t despicable when I was trying to buddy up to earlier, but who sure as hell are despicable now. Bunch of no-good rotten Wonder stealers, all with their ten percent faster Wonder construction and their already-more-powerful Workers that are now even better still. You know what I think they’re doing? I think they’re looking at their completed Master Control and laughing at me. “This Wonder is really cool in and by itself, but having taken it from that idiot Jarenth makes it all the sweeter.”
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, the Franco-Iberian people took their first tentative steps into the sweet robotic future of Supremacy. Our units are sleek and angular, our guns fire strange undefined plasma, and our colours of choice are black and yellow. Fully half of each of my cities currently looks like Human Revolution’s neo-Detroit, but it’s safe to say that we did, in fact, ask for this.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, I made friends and influenced people. Specifically, Suzanne Fielding, CEO of the American Reclamation Corporation. Though cool towards me at first, a long-running series of developments including ‘me finally being useful to her through the medium of trade’ and ‘me being good friends with another guy she kinda likes’ have finally warmed her to the idea of an honest-to-goodness military alliance. And while neither Suzanne, Samatar nor me are necessarily front-runner contenders — okay, Samatar is actually doing pretty okay on his own, but Suzanne is literally in last place — I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the power block formed by our three-way alliance may be the most impressive display of muscle on Terra Atlantea.
Let’s see if that claim’ll ever be put to the test.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, I put into motion my nap-powered stratagems for getting my civilization back on the rails. No more flailing after every popup, losing units to stupid garbage left and right, or worthless battles with eminently uninteresting aliens for this. From now on it’s all about trade, expansion, solidifying alliances, and gaining the power and standing I need to be able to win this game in the long run.
The poorly-thought-out, entirely unfocused research and technology selection can stay, though. I mean, that’s kinda become my jam at this point.
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, I built the Panopticon, a genuine world wonder! Yeah, woo, go me! Sure, the Panopticon’s benefits aren’t exactly earth-shaking… and the fourteen turns it took could probably have gone towards more productive ends… and it hasn’t really changed my power standing among the colony leaders much…
But hey, what matters is that I got a mediocre boost to a score that doesn’t really matter in the long run in the best of situations! Yeah!
In the last episode of Jarenth Plays Beyond Earth, I didn’t break any rocks in the hot sun. I did, however, fight the aliens, and the aliens lost like chumps. Their champion land unit, a giant Siege Worm, died from procrastination. It’s almost like they’re a barely sapient race of underdeveloped bug monsters and I’m a scientifically-focused group of heavily armed tool-using invaders. Nobody could have predicted this outcome.
Annelid dominance notwithstanding, though, I’m still far from being out of the woods. The Le Coeur Hinterlands are still flush with aliens, including a second Siege Worm. But more to the point, roughhousing with the locals does nothing to improve my standing among the other colony leaders, most of whom — statistically — are doing much better than I am. Barring some kind of breakthrough, or miracle, I actually don’t know how I’m going to get on top of this. If I’m going to get on top of this. I don’t like saying this, even to myself, but… it’s possible I hobbled myself so much through bad choices and a poor starting position that it’s unlikely or impossible for me to catch back up.
Doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying, though.