Jarenth Plays XCOM: Enemy Unknown


In which I play through the introduction section of XCOM: Enemy Unknown. This involves aliens, explosions and a lot of dying, thereby setting up the rest of this Let’s Play perfectly.

Episode 1: First Off The Ramp

The all-call squad gets its first combat outing! Welcome to Miami, bug-eyes. Aliens are shot, and panic is reduced and increased.

Episode 2: An Offer You Can’t Refuse

Crafting, Council Missions and cheating death. Also research, but that doesn’t alliterate well. Rookie Loween’s love affair with all things grenade is first seen in the wild.

Episode 3: Tango Down

I mess with Satellites once, then promptly forget about the whole mechanic for way too long. I also shoot down my first UFO! Surely this war can’t last for much longer.

Episode 4: Fourth Blood

My first non-tutorial soldier death. I never truly get over Rookie Clark. Not… not in my heart of hearts.

Episode 5: Smash And Grab

My first live alien capture! The legends of both Alan ‘The Claw’ DeHaan and Komrade ‘Devil Dog’ Krellen begin.

Episode 6: I Know What You’re Thinking

I very kindly ask a Sectoid what’s up. I also very un-kindly blow a UFO out of the sky and kill everyone in it.

Episode 7: Rocket Surgery

I meet some new aliens, and precision-capture them using rockets. Yes, shut up, that’s totally a thing. It was in Canada, you wouldn’t know it.

Episode 8: Fearless

In which I encounter a Terror Mission for the first time ever. It doesn’t go anywhere near how you might think. Unless you read the post title, I suppose.

Episode 9: The Plot Thickens

Death the second; my fault, again. On the bright side, DeHaan’s trusty Arc Thrower advanced us the plot, and he earns the first true custom nickname.

Episode 10: Hiring Practices

‘The HR episode’. I finally learn that Engineers aren’t just window dressing. Who knew?

Episode 11: When It Rains…

In which I mess up, seriously mess up, for the first time. Really, it’s not pretty. Global Panic is the best part about it.

Episode 12: A Dish Best Served Cold

Credit to me: it only takes me one mission to not only recover from the dramatic introduction of Mutons to the battlefield, but to actually turn the situation around quite drastically. Who’s wielding plasma weapons now, you green sons of bitches?

Episode 13: The Table Is Set

A voice from beyond helps me learn and plan. With newfound understanding of Engineers, Satellites and Panic, I detail a comeback/recovery plan that should go down in history.

If I pull it off.

Episode 14: Informed Ability

I pull it off. You can’t actually see it, but just trust me on this one.

Episode 15: Johnny Five

I take my new S.H.I.V. out for a test drive. It… it doesn’t come back. If you’re ever wondering why I don’t use the later, amazing S.H.I.V.s in this Let’s Play, I’ll point to this episode and shake my head mournfully.

Episode 16: Take Me To Your Leader

Full of confident bravado and packing alien weapons and armors, I bluster into an alien command UFO. And capture one of their leaders! Everything is fine and will remain fine forever.

Episode 17: Nomen Est Omen

My second-ever Terror Mission. This one… this one doesn’t go as well as the first one. My ‘healthy’ fear of Cyberdiscs stems from this episode.

Episode 18: Rocks Fall

This is The Worst Episode. I screw up in so many ways, it’s not even funny.

Episode 19: Ultimate Power

Hot off the heels of my greatest tragedy comes my greatest triumph: human powers of the mind! I also clear out the largest UFO thusfar, and basically act like a superior badass throughout.

Episode 20: For Great Justice

An… an alien time bomb? No, I won’t claim I understand it any more than you do. The rather unimpressive nature of Council Missions becomes clear.

Episode 21: Don’t Cry For Me

For reasons nobody is quite clear about, Argentina leaves the Council. Good riddance, I say. Less map space for me to focus on. Also, I play an awful mission that I only really win through a few good calls and dumb fucking luck.

Episode 22: Be The Sectoid

Mind control, you guys. Mind control! It’s enough to make me not even care about the plot-critical stuff that happens in this episode.

Episode 23: Difficulty Cliff

And then, suddenly, XCOM basically decides to hand me a freebie.

Episode 24: How To Make Friends

More mind control! Friends are made, aliens are captured, and explosives are used to great effect.

Episode 25: Bell Curve

Fun fact: when you do a lot of missions in a row, you’re almost guaranteed to have one at one point that totally sucks. Guess what happens in this episode?

Episode 26: Auld Lang Syne

Good news! I take down the dreaded Overseer UFO, and the Ethereal that resides within. Bad news! My oldest, most powerful psychic dies, leaving me with only one active psychic remaining.

Episode 27: Brick Squad

In which a silly, difficult-to-explain meme is crucial to my victory. There is also a jetpack.

Episode 28: The Final Countdown

I build up to the final mission. You might wonder why this involves getting some of my best soldiers killed, but trust me when I say it was for the best.

Episode 29: Vision Quest

If I had failed the final mission terribly, here’s how I would have done it.

Episode 30: The End Of The World As We Know It

Game over, aliens. Time to go home.


The gameplay is over, but my story isn’t — not just quite.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *