Jarenth Plays Civilization: Beyond Earth


In which I set up my Beyond Earth faction, picking a very specific combination of Sponsor, colonists, spaceship parts and cargo that will in no way meaningfully dictate my strategy later on.

Episode 1: Brave New World

I land on Terra Atlantea, my home away from home. If you like extended gameplay introductions, then boy, is this ever the episode for you!

Episode 2: Strangers In A Strange Land

I meet most of my new planetary neighbours! They’re mostly jerks, and I end up hating almost all of them. Except Samatar. Samatar’s a pal. Also, the start of my ‘running gag’ of getting Explorers killed in dumb, easily preventable ways. I’m sure the Explorers themselves think it’s hilarious.

Episode 3: Into The Wild

I build, research, and explore. Well, I say ‘explore’… ‘Needlessly cause more casualties’ rolls off the tongue a little less. Explorers 0, Terra Atlantea 2.

Episode 4: Migration Patterns

I expand outward, learning to peacefully deal with the aliens as they come. These lessons will serve me well, right up until I decide human-alien peace is for chumps.

Episode 5: Score One For The Bad Guys

Wait, I’m how low on the score board?

Episode 6: The Gathering Storm

The aliens aren’t actually touching me. Why won’t I stop hitting myself? Also, the start of my being entirely too easily entertained by visual unit upgrades.

Episode 7: Casus Belli

Seriously, is Samatar a pal or what? I ally with the coolest guy on the planet, just as the aliens decide they’re fed up with me.

Episode 8: Under Siege

I decide human-alien peace is for chumps. The aliens surprise me, first in a bad way, then in a very good way.

Episode 9: It’s A Wonderful Life

I build a Wonder! Sure, it’s a horrible prison slash surveillance system. But listen: I built a Wonder! I also finally make friends with Suzanne, and the Europe-Africa-America Alliance starts taking form.

Episode 10: Change Of Plans

I sleep on things, awakening full of plans and conclusions I should have reached ages ago. This involves flipping Vadim Kozlov the bird, for some reason.

Episode 11: For The Alliance

Yeah! Samatar, Suzanne, and me: the three of us against the world! Surely this friendship will last forever and always.

Episode 12: Supreme Commander

My civilization starts turning into cool Human Revolution-esque robots. I welcome this development. Not everyone does.

Episode 13: Two For One

I select and build a Wonder! It goes off without a hitch. I select and build another Wonder! That one…

Episode 14: Prepped And Ready

It turns out I become a short-sighted vindictive jerk when irrationally angry.

Episode 15: Dawn Of War

The first-ever war comes to Terra Atlantea. It’s the battle between the well-established, powerful old-money faction with lots of friends, and the young upstart bolstered by recent unexpected successes! I, er… I don’t embody the good side of that conflict.

Episode 16: Spy Versus Spy

I finally learn how to spy! It’s just a tiny bit too late.

Episode 17: You Lose Some, You Win Some

I start the episode short one capital. I end the episode with one worthless city in surplus. Yay?

Episode 18: Past And Present Danger

So apparently, long-form time travel exists in this universe. And I also find concrete evidence of advanced alien civilizations, to boot. This… doesn’t influence anything in any meaningful way?

Episode 19: Dress To Impress

Everyone changes outfits, yay! Vadim Kozlov demonstrates how little he thinks of my territorial rights, less yay.

Episode 20: Boogeyman

Vadim Kozlov demonstrates how much he thinks of my military might. Top dog on campus, oh yeah!

Episode 21: Forever Alone

Friend Suzanne leaves me forever. Not-friend Hutama moves into the space she left behind, but not really with the best of intentions.

Episode 22: Strike And Counterstrike

I bankroll and innovate an entirely new army, just to shove Hutama’s face in his own dumb mistake.

Episode 23: Onward And Upward

I shove Hutama’s face in his own dumb mistake.

Episode 24: Gods And Kings

And then, all of a sudden, Vadim Kozlov attempts to win the game. Just as I was attempting to win the game! This injustice cannot stand.

Episode 25: Endgame

With a little help from an old friend, I make my move on Vadim Kozlov. Will I tear his Exodus Gate down before he gets enough Settlers onto Terra Atlantea?

Episode 26: A Door Closes, A Window Opens

Vadim’s portal crumbles into radioactive dust just as my own portal whirs to life. But while Vadim’s portal was a benevolent affair, bringing disenfranchised Settlers over to start a new life, mine is… something else altogether.

Episode 27: Conquest Of The Old World

Resistance is futile.

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