In the previous installment of How To Make Friends And Cast Spells At People, I declared war on Elpiritster the Eternal, then proceeded to blitz-conquer his nearest city of Doomford. While reinforcing said city and mopping up the remains of his vanguard, I made the interesting discovery that Elpiritster’s capital, Elfbush, was just around the corner. This immediately changed the war prospects from ‘long, drawn-out city hopping slow’ to ‘I can probably win this entire thing in a dozen turns or so’.

So, this episode, I will attempt to do just that.

We march, troops! We march… on Elfbush!

Blimey. Two weeks into this Warlocking business and I’ve yet to fight an actual *war*. Neutral conquests notwithstanding, I’ve been mostly courteous to the other Great Mages I’ve met so far; and by ‘courteus’, I mean ‘spineless’. Of course, in the previous installment, I started marshaling my troops in a concerted effort to stop just that. Now over half of my army is gathered at the border of Doomford, a town belonging to one Elpirister the Eternal. I’d say it’s high time to show him why he should’ve accepted my gracious non-aggression requests more often.

War’s a-brewing on the horizon. Can you feel it?

In the previous installment of Insert Warlock Joke Here, I managed to make a routine city siege last over fourteen turns. While a large part of my army was tied up in this time-wasting, money-draining venture to capture an incredibly sub-prime piece of real estate, my AI enemies grew, expanded and generally became more dangerous. Really, it’s high time I start doing something about this.

So who wants to bet I spend this episode dicking around instead? I still have a Mystic Portal to explore, after all! Come on, come all, place your bets now.

I’ll put down ten bucks on ‘Still nominally alive at the end of the episode’.

In the previous installment of The Idiot’s Guide To Warlockery, I’d just stumbled onto a level four city called Inver-On-Linn. This city had limited land space, only one real access route, and was guarded by a group of tough-as-nails Veterans, making it the perfect storm of hard to reach, hard to capture and hard to exploit. Basically, capturing it would be a waste of time, locking up my troops in a long battle of attrition, with the best possible outcome being the capture of a fairly mediocre city.

Of course, I had to own it.

But how could I not want it? It was *there*!

Welcome back, to what’s shaping up to be the second week of Jarenth, Level Whatever Warlock. In the previous installment, I tried my hand at diplomacy and recruited some Vampires into my army. I like to think these things might have been related in some way, but they really weren’t. Still, living the dream. When we left off, I’d just been asked to conquer the city of Webshire, a small oddly-not-spider-infested city that I was poised to take over anyway. Let me tell you: quests that align with objectives you’d already set for yourself are the best quests.

Do note that this episode is a little shorter than the previous two. I’m still trying to find a good length, and sometimes good cutoff points just happen early.

I mean, you basically get free money for… wait, this is the Read More link, isn’t it? Why am I putting exposition here?

In the previous installment of Jarenth Tries His Hand At Warlocking, I started turning St. Mouseberg, Greatest City In Pretty Much All Of Ardania, into a city worthy of that (admittedly self-appointed) title. I explored a little, built and recruited, killed some giant spiders, and I’d just found some Imps ripe for the slaughter. Crucially, I hadn’t found any opponents of significance yet, which surely implied that everything was going well and would remain well forever.

Of course, peace, in a game such as this, can never last long. I’m surprised it made it into the second episode, to be honest.

If that sounds a little gloomy, let me assure you that I’m not dead yet at the end of this episode.

Alright, let’s get this party started! In our previous installment, I introduced the game, then proceeded to set up my character: Jarenth, the bitchin’-wizard-hat-wearing, sun-worshipping, researching boss of the Goblin race. That episode ended with us staring at my newly founded capital, the city of St. Mouseberg. It is my hope that from these humble beginnings, we will eventually end up with all of Ardania living under my iron, mouse-appointed fist.

Either that, or I’ll crash and burn spectacularly. Either thing should be amusing to read.

But seriously though, I’m shooting for the iron mouse-appointed first option.

Warlock: Master of the Arcane, the latest Turn-Based Strategy offering from Paradox Interactive, has been released on Steam a few days ago. I had a great time with the demo, to the point where the game had to wrest the controls away after two hours because I was *far* from done, and I subsequently immediately pre-ordered it. Because I had so much fun with it, and to mark the couldn’t-arrive-soon-enough release date, I’ve decided to chronicle my first full game in text-and-screenshot form. Hopefully, I won’t fail immediately and spectacularly — although that would be amusing all by itself — and hopefully, I’ll be able to convey why I enjoyed this game as much as I did.

After the break: the adventure begins! Sort of.